Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Who Wants the Anus Plate?

Anus plate is the one on the far right.

Christmas is coming up and since I stay far away from the Christmastime freak shows of Black Friday, the mall, and the local Wal-Marts, I did some internet shopping the other night.

Don't judge. At least I don't wait until Christmas Eve to purchase my gifts.

Somehow, I happened upon this website that had some cool paintings, then I saw a tab called objects. Featured on the objects shopping tab were the Consumption Plates. Here's the description:

Consumption is a five-piece place setting for use during the mental, physical, and spiritual act of consuming. The dishes are a map of the digestive tract, from mouth to anus. They are a reminder of the processes that are taking place within you while you are eating, promoting an exercise of mindfulness.

Now, on the website, you can scroll your mouse over the picture featured on top on this post and you can see a different plates for each of the features of the digestive system. You can see the saliva glands, the esophogus, etc, etc all the way down to my personal favorite: THE ANUS PLATE. I know right? What a perfect Christmas gift! I mean, what screams Christmas better then eating your holiday dinner off a plate with a picture of a butt on it. This might be the perfect girl for The Holiday Blog Exchange. Bahahhaa!

They also feature a sterling silver sperm necklace. What woman wouldn't want a sperm necklace to go with that special dress?
Please don't leave me comments about how juvenile I am. I'm already well aware of this fact. I just REALLY have nothing better to blog about today and I'm in a social bloggy mood.

I had an MRI on my knee on Monday and tomorrow I find out the results. Cross your fingers for good results!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Extra Bitchy Pills

Got the tree up, one good thing done!

Someone slipped me an extra bitchy pill the other day. You know; the pill that makes you irritated and irrational over every little person and thing that rubs you the wrong way? Yeah that pill. I had to remind myself to “stay calm or you’re going to have a coronary”. Oh I can blame my irritation on the never ending “to do” list or the fact that the wind blew my perfectly coifed hair into a faux hawk (it was lovely, I wish I had pictures) or the fact that I am still NOT running, but no, I think someone slipped a bitchy pill into my morning beverage. Bitchy pills….watch out for them. Just thought I’d get the warning out.

Yes, you heard me right, I’m still not running. My ITB just will not release. Stubborn little bugger. I’ve done just about everything I can think of: I’ve gone to physical therapy; I’ve stretched it, iced it, rolled it, massaged it, and elevated it. I’ve even thought about cutting my left leg off and sprouting a new one. When I ran this last idea by my physical therapist; he warned me it might hurt but I could try it if I wanted too.

When you are injured, you have to watch out for those psychotic pills too. Bitchy and psychotic could be a dangerous drug cocktail lest you are pissed off enough to actually try cutting your leg off. Not good.

There was a point in time when I was getting better and even running and then my SI joint came out again and messed my ITB up again. Now I’m back to square one and I’m going back to the doctor this afternoon. We’ll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I have found out that I really like to swim. I never thought that I would say those words, but I do. I’m up to 1900 yards in the pool, which is over a mile. This is a lot for someone who had trouble swimming even 300 yards earlier this year. I think that I see a triathlon in my future. I had Jill record me doing freestyle over the weekend, so I could send a video to my coach to see I need to work on. Jill and I watched the videos and it wasn’t pretty. My arms are ok, and my left leg is ok, but my right leg does something funky when I am breathing on the right side. Sort of like a frog kick. Let’s just say that I would totally win a triathlon if I started on the left and everyone else was on my right side. I would take out the whole lot of them with that right leg. It looks dangerous and lethal.

Jill looked at me after we had finished reviewing the video and said: “Well, at least you’re not vertical in the water anymore”. I’m so proud of myself; see how far I’ve come? No wonder I had trouble swimming 300 yards, that’s hard to do when your feet are practically touching the pool floor.

Ok, time to go to the doctor. Did you see the picture up top? You can't miss it. Those are some of my happy pills. My daughter, daughter's BFF, and my puppy. Just missing my husband (who was taking the picture) in the picture. I have a lot to be thankful for in spite of that damn ITB.